Parishes help Catholics repair relationships with church
St. Bernard of Clairvaux Parish, Bridgewater, and St. Thomas the Apostle Parish, Old Bridge, have instituted programs to help Catholics who have been away from the church find ways to reconnect with the church. Last week, part one of this two-part series described the programs that each parish has developed, as well as some of the issues that Catholics have identified as their reasons for being away from the church.
By Scott Alessi
Staff Writer
Father Joseph G. Celano has helped many individuals deal with struggles in their faith lives, but one case, in particular, stands out. The man had been the victim of years of sexual abuse at the hands of a priest.
Father Celano, pastor of St. Bernard of Clairvaux Parish, Bridgewater, recalls that the man asked to meet with him and began to recount the years of abuse he suffered as a child.
“I was the first priest that he felt comfortable enough to come to and talk about this,” Father Celano said. “All I could do was sit there and listen as he poured his heart out to me about what had happened to him. And I said that I was sorry. He just needed somebody to hear his story, to acknowledge the fact that what had happened to him was a horrible thing and to have somebody say to him, ‘What happened to you was wrong, it should have never happened and I am sorry for it,’” Father Celano explained. “That was really the thing that helped him to begin the journey back.”
In most cases, however, it will take more than the church offering an apology for an individual to be fully reconciled with their faith after a lengthy separation. To work through the process, parishes such as St. Bernard are attempting to reach out to those people who are away from the church.
“It is one thing to just recognize that there’s all these people that haven’t been coming and say ‘Let’s go bring them back,’ but you’ve got to get to the root of why they’re not practicing anymore,” said Jodie D’Angiolillo, director of evangelization for the Diocese of Metuchen. “You’ve got to have somebody who knows how to nurture them and really disciple them.”
Facing the issues
While Father Celano admits that some issues are complex and difficult to address, he stated that it is important for the church to respect each person’s reasons for being away.
“Whether the hurts are significant or not as significant, you still have to honor the fact that for whatever reasons, people feel that they have been wounded by the church,” he said. “That could be something as traumatic as abuse, or it could be as simple as Father was in a bad mood one day and got cranky in the confessional. You have to know how to deal with each.”
In the case of people who blame the church for pain that they have experienced, Father Celano feels that the most important thing that one can do is to be sympathetic to the person’s struggle.
“Those issues are harder to deal with because there is nothing you can say,” he explained. “What helps them is when they know that the church is listening to what they say and is expressing a level of compassion for them in their own sufferings and the damage that was done to them. That is what helps them.”
During a panel discussion at St. Bernard Parish in April, members of the parish staff addressed specific issues and questions submitted anonymously by people who have been away from the church. In some cases, the questions reflected a misunderstanding of church teaching and only required the panel to explain the church practices and policies.
Work toward dialogue
In response to those who have a fundamental disagreement with the church’s teachings, Father Celano explained that there is room for dissent among the faithful.
“The history of the church really is a history that is marked by controversy and by disagreement,” he explained. “There is always room for plurality of opinion within the church, provided that it falls within an umbrella of sound doctrine that is consistent with the Gospel.”
For example, Father Celano explained, in the case of controversial issues such as capital punishment, there will always be disagreement and people within the church will fall on both sides of the issue. It is the church’s responsibility, he said, to educate people on not only what it teaches, but on the reasons behind its teachings as well. Most importantly, the church should work towards a dialogue with those who dissent to prevent them from simply walking away.
“We as a church need to be building bridges with people, not slamming doors in their faces,” Father Celano said.
At St. Thomas the Apostle Parish, Old Bridge, the evangelization committee has taken a similar approach to helping individuals repair broken or wounded relationships with the church. Through their Reconnect program, St. Thomas stresses the importance of dealing with personal struggles by relying on the church’s support system rather than turning away from it.
“We really need to be open to people in our faith community so that they can empathize and comfort us and work through the situation with us,” said Alice Brown, who leads the Reconnect sessions. “The faith community is a resource of loving people that can help us get through things. Our faith in God overall gets us through, but sometimes when that faith gets shaky we need other human beings.”
Reaching out
D’Angiolillo stated that one of the diocese’s goals in terms of evangelization is to prepare parishes to follow the lead of St. Bernard and St. Thomas in forming committees to reach out to those who have been away from the church.
“You have to have a real sense of what you’re doing when you’re starting to reach out to fallen-away Catholics so that you can make their homecoming joyful and worth it,” D’Angiolillo said. “What we’re trying to do here in the diocese is to work with parishes in understanding what evangelization is, helping them bring it forth in the parish, getting out to those who have fallen away and then getting out into the greater world. It’s a process, and it takes time.”
At St. Bernard, Father Celano stated that the parish has developed a three-pronged approach to reaching people who are separated from the church.
“You can’t sit back and wait for people to come to you,” he said. “What you have to do is become pro-active and you have to go to them.”
The parish’s plan includes sending letters to those who are registered with the parish but have been inactive, advertising in the local press and encouraging parishioners to extend an invitation to those who have been away.
“That’s a crucial element of this,” he said. “Most people come back because they have been personally invited by somebody to do it. If they come with somebody they know and trust, it makes it a whole lot easier.”
To promote this aspect of the process, St. Bernard holds “Friendship Sunday” twice each year. Parishioners are encouraged to invite friends and family who have been away from the church to the Mass and reception as an opportunity to begin the journey back to their faith.
New community
D’Angiolillo explained the importance of follow up in evangelization efforts once people have returned to the church.
“You have to be able to bring them back in and reintegrate them in the parish,” D’Angiolillo said. “The goal is to keep them, not have them brought in one door and go back out the other the following week.”
Brown stated that at St. Thomas, the evangelization committee has put together a number of programs, such as adult catechism sessions and “fireside chats,” to allow individuals returning to the church to continue to explore their faith by discussing it with others in the parish.
“If you invite people back, you have to invite them back to something,” Brown said. “That’s really what we’re called to do, to invite each other to share in community. And as long as somebody is missing, the community isn’t whole.”
*The attached/referenced article was originally published in The Catholic Spirit, the official newspaper of the Diocese of Metuchen, and is protected under U.S. and international copyright law